Simple answer: pleasure! The anus has the body’s second-highest concentration of nerve endings after the penis and clitoris. It is highly sensitive and many of the anal nerves also enervate the vulva and penis, so stimulating any part of the genitals can arouse the whole area. As with the clitoris and penis, the anus and rectum can be stimulated to feel intense pleasure and even orgasm. Penetrating the anus can stimulate the G spot or prostate gland, which can also be hugely enjoyable. 

For some people, anal sex can feel more intimate or “naughty”, and these thoughts and feelings can make the sex even better.

Why Is Anal Sex Painful?

It’s important to say that anal sex should not be painful and it isn't always painful for everyone. However, anodyspareunia does seem to be both widespread and unreported. Also, there seems to be a general assumption that anal sex will be painful and that this pain shouldn’t be addressed in a way it would be if penis-in-vulva sex was painful.

To understand why anal sex can be painful, we need to understand the basic anatomy and functionality of this part of the body. 

Put simply, the anus (the body opening) and rectum (the inner tube) are designed to store and release faeces (poo), not receive a penis or fist. Starting with the anus: it’s a sphincter, which is a ring of muscle that can be consciously relaxed (it’s actually 2 rings). However, we generally keep it clenched so we don’t shit ourselves. Forcing this muscle to open when it's clenched can damage and bruise the tissue and surrounding skin. Similarly, introducing objects that are larger than the anus usually accommodates can rip the muscle and be extremely painful.

Turning to the rectum, the walls are thin and sensitive so that we can feel when it’s full and needs emptying. The rectum usually produces enough moisture to move stools through it but nowhere near enough to lubricate an inserted object and certainly not repeated stretching or thrusting. Pressure and friction on this sensitive skin can easily cause pain and long-term damage.

The physical pain of receiving anal sex mentioned above can often be exacerbated by emotional and psychological concerns, such as feeling nervous, anxious, or ashamed. 

If you’re expecting sex to be painful, for any reason, it may be difficult for you to enjoy it, even if what you or your partner(s) are doing is in some ways pleasurable. This can be confusing and stressful, making it difficult to know what to communicate to your partner(s).

3 Things That Can Reduce Anodyspareunia 

1 Slow Down And Warm Up

In order for your body to be ready for sex, it needs to be aroused. To activate arousal, we need to feel comfortable and relaxed and receive a certain level of stimulation, which gets the body ready to engage in sex, especially being penetrated. As the body is stimulated, internal and external changes occur, our heart rate and blood pressure increase and our breathing becomes faster. The rectum expands and the anus becomes more sensitive. If you’re not aroused enough or haven’t had enough foreplay then you won’t be ready to be comfortably penetrated and you may experience pain. 

This is why it’s so important to have sufficient foreplay to prepare the body. Also, you may need to start slower than other types of penetrative sex, with more touching, kissing, and licking of the anus.Slowly stroke and massage the anus to help it relax. Take time to stimulate the area before penetrating with something small, soft, and warm, such as a tongue or finger. 

Only when the anus has sufficiently relaxed and the recipient feels pleasure, then a slightly larger object may be introduced such as a small toy or another finger. If this is uncomfortable then stop or at least slow down and go back to the smaller object. Going at a pace that feels comfortable to the recipient, slowly build up to being able to receive larger objects for longer periods of time. 

2. Use Lots Of Lube

If in doubt, use way more lube than you think you need and reapply often. Find a long-lasting lube with a feel, smell, and texture you like. You will probably find you want a different lube for anal play than you do for vaginal or toy play. You can never use too much lube!

3. Relax 

If something is worrying you about your personal presentation or that you might smell or taste bad, do what you can to help yourself relax as much as possible.

In terms of anal hygiene, don't worry, to prepare for anal sex you only need to wash your anus when you shower. Usually, this is enough to ensure you’re clean and ready. Some people like to use a douche to clean out the rectum. This comes with a number of short-term and long-term risks. If you do feel you need to clean your rectum, use a small bulb, soft nozzle douche with warm water. Avoid chemical douches as they can irritate the rectum, and hard plastic douches as they can cause small tears and cuts. 

Still Experiencing Pain Receiving Anal Sex?

For some people, these three points are enough to help them better prepare and relax enough to stop having pain during anal sex, but not everyone.

Don’t worry if not, it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you. Rest assured, there are plenty more tips and techniques available to make anal sex pain free for you. This can include practising long and short Kegel exercises, improving foreplay, and going even more slowly with penetration. You may also find there are additional steps you need to prepare so that you feel relaxed and comfortable. 

Let me reassure you, there’s also plenty of professional help available. If you’re in the UK, your GP can refer you for free psychosexual therapy. 

If you want to reduce and eliminate pain during anal sex, get in touch. I’m here for you.