This article shares some reasons why you might want to end counselling, as well as what to expect and how best to prepare for the absence of this significant relationship in your life. Ending therapy is often a bittersweet process, marking both closure and a sense of accomplishment. Some people struggle to have healthy endings to relationships, so ending therapy well can be an opportunity to practice doing something new, different, and beneficial. In turn, this can help have healthier endings to relationships in the future. 

5 Reasons Why You Might Want To End Therapy 

For some people, the relationship they have with their therapist is one of the most important and emotionally intimate in their whole life. Going into therapy can take huge courage, and leaving it can feel equally daunting. 

Usually, according to research, the better the quality of the relationship with your therapist (in therapy jargon, the 'therapeutic alliance'), the more effective the treatment. However, this is not a 'til death do us part' relationship, and there are many reasons why you might feel ready to end it.

Here are 5 common reasons you might want to stop having therapy: 

1. You have reached your agreed aims or goals 
2. You feel stable enough and want to practice some of the things you've learned in therapy in real life
3. You don't feel you need your therapy sessions any more 
4. You want to work on a different issue or in a different way
5. Your schedule or location has changed so, logistically, you're no longer able to attend sessions. 

Why Do Healthy Endings Matter?

Finishing therapy is one of many important stages that the therapeutic relationship goes through. If you've been with your therapist for months or even years, then their sudden absence can feel like a significant loss. This person who knew so much about you and offered such consistent support is gone. Even though you mentally know that the end is coming, the emotional impact can be profound and unexpected. Some people feel incredibly sad and really have to grieve the loss of that relationship. For others, it can create a sense of abandonment or even betrayal. And, the one person with who you would usually talk all of these emotions through with has suddenly vanished, reinforcing the feelings of sadness and loss.

However, it is worth practising ending relationships well. Here are 5 benefits to healthy endings: 

• Practice Makes Perfect: Therapy can be seen as a practice ground for new behaviours that we want to embody in our everyday lives.
• Closure and Healing: A healthy ending can provide a sense of closure, allowing individuals to move on and heal from the relationship. It can help prevent lingering feelings of resentment, anger, or sadness.
• Preservation of Respect: A healthy ending can preserve the respect and dignity of both parties, even in difficult circumstances. This can help maintain a positive relationship, even if the romantic or intimate connection has ended.
• Prevention of Future Harm: A healthy ending can help prevent future harm or conflict between the individuals involved. It can also set a positive example for others, such as any children involved in the relationship.
• Personal Growth: Ending a relationship, even a healthy one, can be an opportunity for personal growth and self-reflection. It can help individuals learn from their experiences and develop stronger relationships in the future.

What is a Healthy Ending To a Therapeutic Relationship?

Unfortunately, most of us have a lot more experience with bad or unhealthy relationship endings than healthy ones (which might be what motivates us to start therapy in the first place). Consequently, some people replicate this with ending therapy. They might stop showing up for appointments, arrive late, or create conflict with the therapist. 

There are better ways to end a therapeutic relationship. If you don't feel comfortable raising it with your therapist, I suggest you put it in an email. Explain that you want to work together towards ending, and, if it feels appropriate, explain why you want to end. This isn't to justify your decision, it's to help your therapist understand your perspective and help formulate the best possible ending. 

The 'termination phase' (meaning the last few sessions), is a crucial part of the overall therapeutic journey and can act as a model for future relationships. Just as we practice 'rupture and repair' techniques (arguing and making up well), so we also need to practice endings with the rupture of breaking up the relationship. I use the word 'phase' because it is an ongoing process. The actual duration can vary, for some clients, it's a few weeks, for others, it can be 2 months. 

It's important to note that a healthy ending doesn't always mean a happy ending. Sometimes, healthy relationship endings can be difficult or painful, but they can still provide closure and a sense of resolution.

How to Know When It's The Right Time?

From the therapist's perspective, here are some things we consider when either a client wants to end or we feel it might be time to end the work. 

1. Measure Readiness: as well as regular reviews every few months, we trust our instincts, and usually share with our clients when we feel they might be ready to continue their lives without our support.  
2. Process Feelings: we explore how the client feels about endings, and what emotions come up when we talk about stopping our work together  
3. Review & Reflect: we revisit the client's original goals and see if they have been achieved and/or if they have changed 
4. Create a Plan: together, we make sure the client has a collection of tools and methods to care for themselves, and the social connections and emotional support to ease the transition out of having therapeutic support.
5. Celebrate Progress: as with any graduation, 'graduating' therapy is a big deal and definitely worth celebrating! The client has internalised and practised so many healthy and supportive behaviours, that they no longer need us. This is truly something to celebrate! 

How Best To Support Yourself Through The Ending?

Short-term

Trust yourself and try to make peace with your decision to end therapy, rather than second-guessing your decision. Remember, whatever the reason may be, the decision to end therapy or switch therapists is entirely in your hands. You deserve support that feels like a good fit to you and each person is unique in what they need in terms of emotional and social support. 

Medium-term

Some things to consider are what are you going to do at that same time the week after you finish therapy? Do you want to set aside some time to be alone, review and in some way honour the ending of that relationship? Or arrange to meet or speak with a friend or loved one, so you have a continued sense of connection and support?

Long-term

Do you want to join a weekly or monthly group that gives you a sense of connection and community? Do you want to find another therapist? Do you need to put monthly check-ins in your calendar to make sure you're actually implementing the plan that you made during the termination phase with your therapist?

If you take nothing else from this article, I encourage you to reflect on whether or not you're ready to end therapy now. Is it time to 'break up' with your therapist? And if it is, give yourself the gift of self-care and self-advocacy and talk or write to them about it. Give yourself to opportunity to have a happy and healthy ending, and celebrate 'graduating' from therapy!