Following on from the conversation with Esther about her poly journey in this article, here are 5 myths we discussed about being polyamorous.

5 Myths About Being Poly

1. You get to fuck everyone you want.

Maybe, if that’s the agreed dynamic, but it’s certainly not a given. Many poly people are in multiple closed relationships (often called polyfidelity).

2. It’s a way to avoid having real intimate relationships.

Not at all true! Esther explains how it’s quite the opposite, as you have to manage the emotions and expectations of more than one person, which is a substantial responsibility, and one she takes very seriously (as an example, she has checked in with both her partner and her squish about this article, and they are both fine with it).

Being polyamorous requires a whole new skill set of communication, which Esther recognises as both hugely beneficial and super challenging. Having loads of "crap" triggered by this new dynamic with her squish has taken a lot of energy to process and it’s been emotional, cathartic, painful, and difficult, as well as extraordinarily wonderful.

3. Being poly is easier than being monogamous.

Absolutely not true; see point 2. Esther’s the first to admit that she’s new to polyam life and is still finding the balance between being discreet and kind, and being open and honest. But it is certainly not easy.

4. You must have a lot more sex.

Again, not necessarily true. As with mono relationships, it depends on each person’s sex drive, how often you see each other, and what works for the people involved. For Esther, as her partner is asexual, she is still only being physically intimate with one person: her squish.

5. You never feel jealous or insecure.

[Image illustrating the concept of Compersion vs. Jealousy]

So, so, so not true. In fact, for many polyamorous people, the opposite is true. Jealousy and insecurities are multiplied by having more partners. Being polyamorous doesn’t make you an emotionless robot, but it does force you to address these feelings and find ways to process and manage them. To be successful in your relationships, you have to learn how to have difficult conversations.

A lot of the work I do with non-monogamous clients is around unpacking these myths and finding healthier, happier ways to be in partnership with multiple other people. If you’d support on your personal relationship journey, please get in touch. I’m here to help.