Most people masturbate too fast. Wham, bam, thank you hand (or vibrator or fleshlight)! Personally, I feel we all deserve better than a genital sneeze of microdosed pleasure. In case you've never heard of it, let me introduce you to mindful masturbation. Yes, I appreciate it sounds a bit, well, wanky, but bear with me...

What Is Mindful Masturbation? 

Mindful masturbation is the practice of self-pleasuring with a focused awareness of the present moment, bodily sensations, and emotions, without judgment or distraction. It's about shifting the focus from solely achieving orgasm to exploring and savouring the sensual experience.  

What Makes Mindful Masturbation Different?

Presence: Paying full attention to the physical sensations in your body as they arise, moment by moment. This means minimising distractions like screens, fantasies, or fixating on the outcome (orgasm).  

Body Awareness: Exploring different types of touch, pressure, and areas of your body, including erogenous zones beyond just the genitals. It's about discovering what feels pleasurable and noticing subtle shifts in sensation.

Non-Judgment: Observing your thoughts and feelings without criticism or evaluation. If your mind wanders, gently redirect your attention back to your body.

Savouring: Taking your time to fully experience and appreciate the sensations of pleasure as they unfold.

Intention: Sometimes, practitioners set an intention for their mindful masturbation, such as deepening self-awareness, increasing self-love, or simply being present with their body.

What Are the Seven Benefits of Mindful Masturbation?

1. Increased Body Awareness: You can learn what feels good to you, leading to better communication with partners and enhanced solo and partnered sex.  

2. Enhanced Pleasure: By focusing on the present sensations and exploring your body, you may discover new sources of pleasure and experience more profound satisfaction.

3. Reduced Stress and Anxiety: The combination of mindfulness and the release of feel-good hormones during self-pleasure can promote relaxation and lower stress levels.

4. Improved Sexual Confidence: Understanding your own body and desires can boost your confidence in your sexuality.  

5. Less Performance Anxiety: By removing the pressure to reach a specific outcome, mindful masturbation can reduce anxiety related to sexual performance.  

6. Improved Self-Care: Prioritising your pleasure can be an act of self-love and contribute to overall well-being.  

7. Potential Benefits for Partnered Sex: Knowing your own body better can improve communication with partners and enhance intimacy.

A bonus benefit if you regularly use porn, is that mindful masturbation can help you reduce your dependence on external mental stimulation, so you feel more connected and in control of your body and your own pleasure. If you are concerned about the amount of porn you watch, you may want to explore this website. 

How Do I Practice Mindful Masturbation?

Create a conducive environment: Find a comfortable and private space where you feel relaxed. You might consider setting the mood with a hot bath or at least a shower, with soft lighting or candles, music, or comfortable bedding.  

Minimise distractions: Turn off your phone, TV, and any other potential interruptions.  

Wash your hands (and ideally your whole body!): This is important for hygiene and connects you to your body.  

Take your time: There's no rush. Focus on exploring sensations rather than reaching orgasm quickly.  

Engage your senses: Pay attention to the feeling of your skin, the temperature, and any subtle changes in your body, as well as what you can smell and taste. Notice if your different fingers feel different when they touch you.  

Explore your body: Don't limit yourself to your genitals. Explore other erogenous zones and different types of touch.  

Stay present: If your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to the physical sensations.  

Use a mirror (optional): Observing yourself can enhance presence and body awareness.  

Experiment: Try different techniques, pressures, and rhythms. You can also explore with or without sex toys.  

Breathe: Pay attention to your breath throughout the experience and don't hold your breath. You may want to experiment with breathing loudly or making sounds.

Savour the experience: You can't do this wrong as long as you're not causing yourself pain, so relax and play! After you're done, take a few moments to notice how your body feels.

There are plenty of online resources available to help you learn and practice mindful masturbation, including on the websites beducated and OMGYES.  

Mindful masturbation is a practice, and like any mindfulness exercise, it may take time and patience to develop. There are multiple benefits, and the more you practice, the more you are likely to reap the benefits. Be kind and compassionate to yourself as you explore this way of connecting with your body and your pleasure.